


Like A Sunburn

by dametokillfor



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 22:17:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2404880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dametokillfor/pseuds/dametokillfor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SPOILERS FOR 6x1. </p><p>After arguing with Elena about Damon, Alaric finds himself arguing with himself about Damon.</p><p>(Character death in the tags happened last season.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like A Sunburn

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Ed Sheeran's Sunburn.

_"You scarred and left me, like a sunburn."_

\---

He hadn't meant to scream at Elena, he'd never yelled at her like that. He's pretty certain he'd never yelled at anyone like that before, but he's still trying to get a handle on these damn vampire emotions.

_"No."_

_"Ric, I need..."_

_"You need to grow up. You act like you're the only one who cared about Damon, like you're the only person in the world who is suffering right now. What about Stefan? Should I compel him to forget? Should I stare in the damn mirror and try and compel myself to forget him too?"_

_"You're being cruel."_

_"And you're being selfish."_

_"Get out." Elena snapped, pushing at Ric's shoulders, "Get out of my room, get out!"_

_"Elena..."_

_"GET OUT!"_

Ric felt like death - ha - sitting in the tiny bar in the middle of nowhere. He wanted to drink, drink himself into oblivion and forget that he'd been so cruel. He wanted to get so drunk that he'd forget that Damon wasn't here to call him on his bullshit, but his damn vampire metabolism had killed that option. 

He sat at the bar, playing with the daylight bracelet around his wrist. He'd fought against it at first, told Elena he'd no interest in being a fully functional member of society, but she'd insisted, told him he'd be as good as human again. They'd both known it was bullshit, but her big brown eyes had worn him down. 

He wondered what would happen if he'd torn it off, gone out into the sunlight, let the rays burn him to a crisp. As a Diet Original, the sun wouldn't kill him, but it might knock him out of it for a while. That sounded pretty blissful right now.

The young barmaid comes over to him, asks if he'd like another drink, pushes her breasts forward as she does. Ric's tempted to take her up on her offer, both of them, but thanks her and waves her away. He doesn't trust himself not to tear her throat out, follow the blood over the curves of her body with his tongue.

He gets up from his seat, makes his way out of the bar. He's not ready to do this alone, not yet. 

He walks across the dark, abandoned parking lot to his car. He climbs inside and sits staring off into space for a long moment.

He doesn't know where to go. He doesn't want to go back to the house. He's not ready to apologise to Elena yet, not ready to pretend he's not still pissed off that she's even suggested erasing Damon. He's not got any other options, not really. 

"You know, if you were still here, this would be so much easier. I go back to the boarding house, we drink until we can pretend we're both drunk enough and..."

He can't even finish his sentence, he finds himself laughing at the hopelessness of it all.

He and Damon would have drunk until such a time that both of them grew tired of pretending Ric wasn't there for more than the bourbon. Damon would have instigated the first kiss, pushing Ric back against the chair he favoured, kissing him furiously. Ric would have pushed him away, just enough to remind him that they had all the time in the world now, would have slowed things down. It would have been perfect and romantic and _love making_ and they'd have mocked themselves for it in the morning, fucked furiously to reassert their totally casual arrangement, each wishing they could just stop pretending they weren't ass over face in love with each other.

"But you're not here. You're not even floating around, I can't even pretend you can hear any of this, because you're really gone, you asshole.

"And now I have to deal with being a goddamn vampire by myself, and you have no idea how hard it is."

Ric can hear Damon's voice in his head, _been there, done that, Ric_.

"And it's not the same, Damon. I never wanted this. Ever. Not even for you."

Damon would have let the hurt flash across his face for all of a split second, but Ric would have caught it. 

"I wanted to live and die and be done with it. I don't want to go through life seeing people I care about grow old and fall apart, having to move from place to place so people don't notice I don't get any older. I don't want to look over my shoulder my whole life, to see death and destruction and pain, so much fucking pain."

He slams his hand against the steering wheel, amazed he doesn't knock it clear.

"I need you here to help me with this, to help me figure this out." Ric says, aware his voice is shaking now, "I don't know how to do this without you. I don't know how to deal with the cravings and the bloodlust and the darkness and I need you to help me, because you're the only one who could."

Elena, Stefan and Caroline had both been there at the start, promising they'd help him figure this out, but that had quickly changed. There'd been too many of their own problems to deal with. Damon's English friend, Enzo, had offered his help as well, a sly smile on his face. Ric had told him where to go, tried not to think about how much he reminded him of the Damon he'd first met.

"Elena wants to forget about you. She wants me to make her forget about you, to take the pain away, and I hate her for it." He laughs hopelessly, "That girl is as good as my daughter, and I hate her for wanting to forget she loved you, because I can't."

His voice catches, the 'can't' sticks in his throat. There are tears falling across his cheeks, and when did that happen. He wants to believe Damon is there, smiling sadly at him, reaching to ghost a hand over his shoulder. He wipes roughly at his face.

He wants to laugh at how fucked up everything is. He and Elena in love with the same man, neither of them able to talk about how much it kills them that he isn't with them anymore. He doesn't even know how it would have worked if he had been. Ric had been dead while Elena and Damon had been together. Would Damon have left her for him? Would he have been told it was fun, but come on Ric, there's no contest? Would there have been a schedule, sharing him between them? Ric would have taken anything, so long as Damon had been there.

"I can't take you away from her, because I can't be the only one who remembers you, the real you." 

It kills Ric that nobody knew just how good Damon really was. They didn't know how smart, how funny, how passionate he was. They didn't know about his weakness for an Indiana Jones film, his love of classic literature, or how blinding a real smile from him could be. They saw the sarcastic, wicked, defensive front he put up. They didn't see Damon, not really. 

"Fuck. I need you to tell me what to do." Ric says, turning to the empty space next to him. 

The empty space doesn't answer. Damon doesn't miraculously appear like some cheesy romance novel, there's simply another unremarkable battered leather seat. There's no voice in his head offering him an obvious answer. Ric smiles sadly, turns back to face ahead of him. 

"That's probably the quietest you've ever been."

He feels calmer now. The dam has broken, the tears have fallen, the anger has erupted. He's feeling more like himself than he has in months.

He's still at a loss as to what he should do for Elena. He wants to stop her hurting, but he knows compulsion isn't the right thing to do. It's a temporary solution at best. He starts the car, figures that for tonight at least, maybe a hug is the best start to helping her out. 

*****

**Author's Note:**

> Do come fangirl over Ric's continued existence with me on [Tumblr](http://agent-ghoulson.tumblr.com).


End file.
